Hey Reader,

Longtime readers might remember when I used to do the 3@3. New readers, welcome to the explanation: a few years back, I used to go live once a week at 3pm and answer 3 questions that had been pre-submitted. It was all live, no editing, just raw talk. Turns out, I've got a pile of those clips sitting around, and honestly, most of the advice hasn't aged a day. Would I add some information or say it a bit different? Maybe. But these are still so solid, I decided to resurrect them and share them with you again!

The question this time:

How do I find a critique partner or writing buddy?

This question came up twice on 3@3, so today's a two-for-one.

Here's the secret nobody wants to hear: you cannot wait for them to find you. I hear from so many authors who wish they had a writing bestie, someone to bounce ideas off, someone who just gets it. And when I ask what they've done to find that person, I usually get a frozen look and a quiet "um, nothing."

The first step is finding a community. That can be a paid community, a free Facebook group, a Discord or Reddit server, a local writers group, whatever's actually accessible to you. But finding the community isn't even the hard part.

The hard part is what comes next: you have to interact. Comment on posts. Ask questions. Put yourself out there. Somewhere in that process, you'll start to notice who you actually vibe with, and when you do, you reach out directly and say so. "I really liked what you said here, want to grab coffee and talk writing? Would you be interested in being critique partners?"

Conferences work too. I met a writer at a critique roundtable in Alaska post-Covid who gave such thoughtful feedback that I flat out told the group, if you're building a critique circle, grab that guy. Round tables and workshops are a great low-pressure way to see how someone gives feedback before you commit to a partnership.

One thing worth being deliberate about: look in spaces where people write what you write. It's not a must-have requirement, you can get useful general craft advice from anyone, but genre familiarity matters more than people expect. A romance critique partner who doesn't read romance often can't give you feedback that actually helps, and the same goes for fantasy world-building, memoir, thrillers, all of it. Someone who's never read a memoir isn't well positioned to tell you if yours is working.

And once you've found a partner or a group, set some quick guidelines before you dive in. What's the feedback style everyone's using? Is it kind and constructive, focused on the reader's experience rather than personal taste ("I don't like the word moist" isn't feedback)? How much time does each person get? Having a shared container, even a loose one, makes the whole relationship smoother and cuts down on hurt feelings and miscommunication.

It's not easy. Finding a critique partner is finding a relationship, and relationships take someone willing to start them. My own accountability partner and I have met weekly for two years now, completely different businesses, but we get each other. She's the one who reached out to me, so I got lucky there. But if she hadn't, I'd have been the one doing the reaching.

I talk about this topic in a new 2-part video: How to Find a Critique Partner Video 1 and Video 2​

If you're looking for a community to start showing up in, Just Keep Writing is free, open 24/7, and exactly the kind of place to start interacting and see who you click with.

And still asking: would you want live 3@3 back, or something like it, so you could bring your own questions?

Happy writing!

~Angela
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