Hey Reader,

Longtime readers might remember when I used to do the 3@3. New readers, welcome to the explanation: a few years back, I used to go live once a week at 3pm and answer 3 questions that had been pre-submitted. It was all live, no editing, just raw talk. Turns out, I've got a pile of those clips sitting around, and honestly, most of the advice hasn't aged a day. Would I add some information or say it a bit different? Maybe. But these are still so solid, I decided to resurrect them and share them with you again!

The question this time:

I heard you use the term "toxic positivity" in a workshop. What is toxic positivity? What do you mean by that?

Here's the example I always come back to: someone says, "I don't want to hire an editor, I don't want to hire a cover artist, I don't even really like romance, but I wrote one and I'm just going to publish it as is." And instead of anyone saying "hey, have you considered...", the comments fill up with "you've got this!" "you're going to do great!" "no notes, just go for it!"

That's toxic positivity. It's cheerleading with zero thought behind it. Support without any critical suggestion, even when critical suggestion might genuinely help.

To be clear, there's nothing wrong with wanting pure support sometimes. It's completely fine to say "I'm not looking for feedback right now, just cheer me on." The problem is when that becomes the only kind of input you're getting, especially about decisions that could actually hurt your career or your brand.

It shows up in the business side too. Someone brand new says "I'm going to charge top dollar for my first course," and toxic positivity says "charge your worth!" instead of "maybe get some experience under your belt first and make sure the offer is solid."

Same pattern with writing advice that sounds encouraging but is actually a little ableist or harmful, things like "just find time to write every day" as if that's equally possible for everyone.

The fix isn't to stop being supportive of each other. It's to seek out a community that gives you both encouragement and honest, critical feedback, and to notice when you're only surrounding yourself with the first kind.

Take 5: I talk about Toxic Positivity in this 5-minute video!

If you want a community that's built around honest, constructive feedback and not just cheerleading, Just Keep Writing is free and open 24/7.

And still asking: would you want live 3@3 back, or something like it, so you could bring your own questions?

Happy writing!

~Angela
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